Have Fun with Great Friends

WholeLife Matrix: Relationships – The Importance of Friends / Time Together

 “As We Grow Up, We Realize it is Less Important to Have Lots of Friends, and More Important to Have Real Ones.”  — Unknown

Spending time with friends has many benefits because it can help to fulfill our social, emotional, intellectual and physical needs.  With friends, you can have discussions about common interests, do activities such as jogging or having a party, or discuss things that are happening in your life such as job changes, subjects on health, etc. These reasons probably account for why it has been found that people who have a good network of friends outlive those with few friends. Good friends provide support, help us to avoid or overcome depression and vices such as heavy drinking or smoking, and boost our self-confidence.  You don’t need to spend a whole lot of time with friends or to spend a lot of money to gain the benefits of having friends.  We offer some ideas on how to meet new friends and things you can do with them.  

Where to Meet New Friends
Sometimes, meeting new people can be a challenge, especially when you have moved to a new city where you don’t yet know anyone, or when you are busy. Meetup.com is a great way of meeting new people who have similar interests as you do.  It has business groups, groups for sports such as snowboarding, book clubs, groups for singles, etc.  Another way that you may meet new people is by taking a class you are interested in such as an acting class or a cooking class.

As we become busy with more commitments in life such as work and having a family, we may find that we have less time than we once did for spending time with friends.  So, it is important to schedule time in your calendar for spending time with friends, to nurture current friendships and to build new ones.  Over time, as we change and our interests change, we may need to make new friends who are similar and have similar interests.  Holidays and birthdays are also a great time to reach out to friends. 

If you are single, you might even find a significant other through your friends or through groups for friends. And if you already have a significant other, having friends can enrich your lives and can also give you breaks from each other when each of your see your friends separately.

In our modern world of technology, tools such as texting and social media make it easy to stay connected with people even when we are not physically with them. You can often see what a person is interested in or where they are with their life by looking at their social media profiles, and you can stay in touch by interacting on social media.  However, it does not replace meeting people face to face and interacting with them in person. 

To find activities to do with friends, find people who have similar goals as you do.  For example, if you have a dog that needs to be walked, you might find a friend who also has a dog that needs to be walked and you can walk your dogs together while having a conversation at the same time.

Below, are some ideas for things that you can do with friends:

Picnic
Having a picnic in the park lets people enjoy the outdoors.  You can do various activities outdoors such as playing Frisbee or board games. People can also bring their families. Many parks also host free concerts in the summer. The picnic can be a potluck. Everyone loves great food and having a potluck gives everyone a chance to contribute something to create a fun party with a variety of interesting dishes to try. 

Restaurants and Karaoke
Exploring restaurants with friends is fun and so is singing karaoke with them. For a less formal event, you can meet up with people at a local coffee shop such as Starbucks.

Organizational Party
On weekends, have an organizational party to help a friend clean out a room, closet, etc.  Trade items with each other and serve food.

Movie or Play
Seeing the latest movie with some friends can be fun and you also have something to talk about after seeing it.  You might also go to a school play and support your local community. Another idea is to trade movies and music with friends.

Sports
There are many sports that you can do with a friend or group such as tennis, hiking, biking, etc.

Explore a Town, Museum or Zoo
Visiting a museum or zoo can be a fun learning experience.  You can find out when the free days are. You might also go on a walking tour of your town or have a scavenger hunt where your friends need to find things in a city and receive prizes for finding them.

Volunteer
You can find various opportunities to volunteer in your community.  You might team up with your local senior center or YMCA.  By giving some of your time to others, you can help them and teach them new skills while you meet new people and make new friends, develop new sills and build self-confidence.

In the WholeLife Matrix, we have four aspects for developing friendships:

1.  One-on-One
2.  Large Groups
3.  Scheduling
4.  Spontaneity

Being with friends is essential to your well-being.  It can provide you with many benefits without costing you much and increase the joy in your life. 

Are you ready to win?

Create a Relationship with Staying Power

WholeLife Matrix: Relationships – Significant Other / Staying Power

“The secret of a long life…laughter.  The secret of a long-lasting relationship…laughing together.”  — Unknown

Have you ever wondered why some relationships are short-lived while others last a long time?  Many of us would like to have a great partner in our lives and have a wonderful long-term relationship with them.  Having good compatibility with this person physically, intellectually, emotionally, with shared activities and common goals increases the likelihood that you will have a lasting relationship.  When looking for a long-lasting partner, it is a good idea to identify these areas of compatibility early to determine whether pursuing a relationship will be worthwhile for you both.

1.  Compatibility Exercise

On a piece of paper, make lists of the physical, intellectual and emotional characteristics that you would like your ideal partner to have and the shared activities and common goals you would like to have with them. Also consider habits such as smoking and whether you want someone who wants children, already has children, or has no children. Rank each item as a “Must Have”, “Should Have”, or “Could Have”.  You might also have your partner or potential partner try this exercise, or you can answer the questions based on what you think their responses would be.  Then you can compare your responses to their responses and see how compatible you may be in each area.  Since people and relationships change, a couple can change in areas of compatibility; they may in time come closer or move apart in certain areas.  However, it is important to begin with a strong core foundation of compatibility so that those shifts will be less likely to negatively impact the relationship.  Understanding each other’s core priorities and connecting in ways that are important to both partners will help to create a long-lasting relationship.

2.  Do you Trust Each Other?

Trust is the foundation of a good relationship and respect and kindness are also important.  Has your partner proven himself or herself to be dependable and treats you and others with honesty and consideration?

3.  Does Your Partner Help to Bring Out the Best in You?

Just as different friends can bring out different sides of you, so can a romantic partner.  They may make you feel and act more or less confident, patient, attractive etc.  Pay attention and note what situations bring out particular sides of you.  Fundamentally, does your partner trigger the better or worse sides of you and do you like yourself in the relationship?

4.  Do You Communicate Positively with Each Other?

Great communication is an essential part of a relationship. When, instead of showing respect for each other, one or both of the partners in a relationship holds negative feelings of disdain toward the other, such as criticism, sarcasm, or harsh judgment, divorce becomes likely. When an issue comes up, an ineffective communicator tends to attack the partner instead of focusing on the issue. This is known as being “tough on the person and soft on the issue.”  In contrast, an effective communicator will focus on the issue and not the person.  Are you and your partner tough on each other or the issue and does your partner’s communication style generally lift you up or put you down?  If you find that you and your partner are experiencing communication issues, if you are both willing to learn news skills, it is possible to quickly learn them to improve your relationship.

5.  Do You and Your Partner Handle Conflict Within the Relationship Effectively?

Couples that are not effective at resolving conflict typically fight and stay mad for long periods of time (sometimes even years), avoid addressing important issues, or emotionally freeze in a relationship after being unable to resolve the issues.  On the other hand, couples with successful relationships focus on quickly addressing and taking care of an issue and then letting it go and moving on.  Even when they are upset, they still stay close to their partner and learn from their challenges.

6.  How do You and Your Partner Handle External Challenges?

In long-lasting relationships, partners support each other when challenges arise and when times are tough, which can create a unique bond.  Do you and your partner act maturely in the face of adversity; does it bring you closer together or pull you apart?  Can you share the bad times, or only the good times?

7.  Are Your Financial Values Compatible?

Couples who agree about finances are more likely to stay together.  One of the main reasons for divorce is disagreements about money, so it is good to have a partner that you are financially compatible with for a long-term relationship.  You can see signs of a person’s financial values early in a relationship such as who they believe should pay for dates, what types of gifts or purchases they value, and what they give to others including volunteering their time or giving donations. Are you and your partner mostly happy with what you have or do you want to acquire more?  It is important that you and your partner address financial differences early and can resolve issues as a team, and seek financial and couples counseling as needed.  Creating a financial plan is essential to helping you and your partner stay on track financially and for addressing future financial needs such as having a family or planning for retirement.

In the WholeLife Matrix, we have four aspects for developing relationships with staying power:

1.  Common Purpose
2.  Common Morals
3.  Focus on the Positive
4.  Defined Future

Whether you are single, dating, or in a committed relationship, these guidelines will help you to build a healthy relationship with staying power.

Are you ready to win?