Have Fun with Great Friends

WholeLife Matrix: Relationships – The Importance of Friends / Time Together

 “As We Grow Up, We Realize it is Less Important to Have Lots of Friends, and More Important to Have Real Ones.”  — Unknown

Spending time with friends has many benefits because it can help to fulfill our social, emotional, intellectual and physical needs.  With friends, you can have discussions about common interests, do activities such as jogging or having a party, or discuss things that are happening in your life such as job changes, subjects on health, etc. These reasons probably account for why it has been found that people who have a good network of friends outlive those with few friends. Good friends provide support, help us to avoid or overcome depression and vices such as heavy drinking or smoking, and boost our self-confidence.  You don’t need to spend a whole lot of time with friends or to spend a lot of money to gain the benefits of having friends.  We offer some ideas on how to meet new friends and things you can do with them.  

Where to Meet New Friends
Sometimes, meeting new people can be a challenge, especially when you have moved to a new city where you don’t yet know anyone, or when you are busy. Meetup.com is a great way of meeting new people who have similar interests as you do.  It has business groups, groups for sports such as snowboarding, book clubs, groups for singles, etc.  Another way that you may meet new people is by taking a class you are interested in such as an acting class or a cooking class.

As we become busy with more commitments in life such as work and having a family, we may find that we have less time than we once did for spending time with friends.  So, it is important to schedule time in your calendar for spending time with friends, to nurture current friendships and to build new ones.  Over time, as we change and our interests change, we may need to make new friends who are similar and have similar interests.  Holidays and birthdays are also a great time to reach out to friends. 

If you are single, you might even find a significant other through your friends or through groups for friends. And if you already have a significant other, having friends can enrich your lives and can also give you breaks from each other when each of your see your friends separately.

In our modern world of technology, tools such as texting and social media make it easy to stay connected with people even when we are not physically with them. You can often see what a person is interested in or where they are with their life by looking at their social media profiles, and you can stay in touch by interacting on social media.  However, it does not replace meeting people face to face and interacting with them in person. 

To find activities to do with friends, find people who have similar goals as you do.  For example, if you have a dog that needs to be walked, you might find a friend who also has a dog that needs to be walked and you can walk your dogs together while having a conversation at the same time.

Below, are some ideas for things that you can do with friends:

Picnic
Having a picnic in the park lets people enjoy the outdoors.  You can do various activities outdoors such as playing Frisbee or board games. People can also bring their families. Many parks also host free concerts in the summer. The picnic can be a potluck. Everyone loves great food and having a potluck gives everyone a chance to contribute something to create a fun party with a variety of interesting dishes to try. 

Restaurants and Karaoke
Exploring restaurants with friends is fun and so is singing karaoke with them. For a less formal event, you can meet up with people at a local coffee shop such as Starbucks.

Organizational Party
On weekends, have an organizational party to help a friend clean out a room, closet, etc.  Trade items with each other and serve food.

Movie or Play
Seeing the latest movie with some friends can be fun and you also have something to talk about after seeing it.  You might also go to a school play and support your local community. Another idea is to trade movies and music with friends.

Sports
There are many sports that you can do with a friend or group such as tennis, hiking, biking, etc.

Explore a Town, Museum or Zoo
Visiting a museum or zoo can be a fun learning experience.  You can find out when the free days are. You might also go on a walking tour of your town or have a scavenger hunt where your friends need to find things in a city and receive prizes for finding them.

Volunteer
You can find various opportunities to volunteer in your community.  You might team up with your local senior center or YMCA.  By giving some of your time to others, you can help them and teach them new skills while you meet new people and make new friends, develop new sills and build self-confidence.

In the WholeLife Matrix, we have four aspects for developing friendships:

1.  One-on-One
2.  Large Groups
3.  Scheduling
4.  Spontaneity

Being with friends is essential to your well-being.  It can provide you with many benefits without costing you much and increase the joy in your life. 

Are you ready to win?

We All Just Want to Have Fun!

Matrix Key:  Health and Well-Being - Having Fun

"Don't stop having fun when you get older, because you will get older when you stop having fun." - Zaira Swan

On the WholeLife Matrix, we've included Having Fun as a key component of Health and Well-Being.  For some of us, having fun is what we can do in that last five minutes of the day after we have checked everything off our to-do list.  For others, fun comes first and work comes second.  Either way, having fun is essential to a well balanced and fulfilling life. 

It's important to explore what qualifies as fun.  Some of us may view fun as work if it means going to a party at the end of a long day and forcing ourselves to interact with people.  It's key to recognize that fun is a very individual concept.  Fun is what energizes you, excites you, what you look forward to.

Here are four kinds of fun.  What resonates with you?

1. Recreation and Hobbies
2. Active Events
3. Being with Others
4. Being Alone

If you could spend one hour today having fun, what would you do?  Allow yourself to develop your own definition of fun.  Then make sure to schedule time for that activity, whether it's reading a book or climbing a mountain.  As the old saying goes, "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy."  And what is success worth if it is not at least a little fun?

I still have two spots available on my WholeLife Matrix group call.  A chance for you to get some free coaching from me, we meet every other Tuesday from 11am - noon Pacific time.  Email me to sign up (Ralph@Consulting2Win.com) and I will send you the login information. 

Are you ready to win?     

The Importance of Friends

Matrix Key:  Relationships - Friends

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' " - C. S. Lewis 

When it comes to relationships, we often think only of the significant other in our life.  But what about friends?  We must also be in relationship with the broader community around us, and develop friendships that will enlighten, support, and enrich us.  A person can have work friends, school friends, church friends, friends from every area of your life, and enjoy different types of relationships with each one.

Just as with your significant other, your relationship with your friends needs to be nurtured and tended.  You may talk to some friends only sporadically through the years, and each interaction is as fun and fulfilling as the last.  Or you may have some friendships that demand more of your attention, and require additional effort to remain viable, but are worth the extra time.

The WholeLife Matrix shows that the keys to a good friendship are very similar to those of a successful significant other relationship:

1. Affinity and Respect
2. Mutual Commitment
3. Time Together
4. Common Interests

 Allowing yourself to be open to new friendships and connections with people in your environment will yield amazing results.  Because everyone needs friends to share the good and bad times, the losses and the wins.  And as C. S. Lewis points out, we each need to see ourselves in the eyes and heart of another as we navigate this life.

Are you ready to win?

Relationships

Matrix Key:  WholeLife Matrix - Relationships

"We are not put on Earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other." - Anonymous

It goes without saying that Relationships are essential to a well-balanced, fulfilling and happy life.  This quadrant of the WholeLife Matrix will get a lot of our attention, because relationships are demanding of our attention every day.  

What is important to note about relationships is that they are not all the same, and we must react and behave differently given the type of relationship we have with someone.  Here are the four key kinds of relationships:

1. Significant Other
2. Friends
3. Family
4. Staff and Colleagues

Take a few moments to identify the 20 most important people in your life.  Consider which type of relationship you have with each of them.  As we delve deeper into how to manage relationships, you will be able to see what's working and not working with each of these people and what you can do to make the relationship more fulfilling.  A broad network of good relationships makes all the difference in the game of life.

Are you ready to win?  

Managing Lasting Relationships

“Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.” Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

Relationships are critical to maintain with family, friends, significant others, and your staff and colleagues. This is true for everyone including busy entrepreneurs. I dedicate this blog to David Anthony Ferrara “Dino”, who died on Saturday July 18, 2009 at the age of 44. Only 500 people (of the thousands who’s lives he touched) attended his funeral; these were family friends and business contacts with whom he’d been affiliated over the years. He was a truly successful person and entrepreneur. He helped build and sell a $30 Million company all the while:

1. Making plenty of time to spend with his kids: coaching their lacrosse teams, teaching them about charity and to care for others by volunteering at their church. He fed the poor and led bingo for the elderly at retirement homes. There were countless stories of how he’d hop on an airplane at the drop of a hat to help his brothers, cousins, aunts; anyone in his family who was in need.
2. Participating regularly at events that united his friends: he played golf annually with over 30 buddies he met in grammar, elementary and high school in Baltimore, in college at Bucknell, and during the years through other friends and family. He’d do things like drive out to the desert to play golf with a friend he hadn’t seen in a while and make it back in time that evening for his daughter’s lacrosse game.
3. Managing key relationships throughout his life with staff and colleagues: he went to college with Pete Henig who at the time was editor of Red Herring. Pete introduced Dino to Michael Schwab. Dino nurtured that relationship and was able to raise money for his company. His partner in the business was his grammar school friend David Boden and most of the employees were also either long time friends or became close friends.
4. Supporting his wife April. Their relationship was fun to watch. When you saw the two of them you could tell they were meant to be together. April, an entrepreneur herself, was looking to sell a catering business she’d built and had been running for years. She approached me to check it out and see if I would be interested in buying it. She had an event scheduled with a very influential client (Maria Shriver) to see how to run the business. My husband was out of town that day, and at the time my son was not even a year old. I didn’t have anyone to leave him with so Dino brought their two young kids up to my house to baby sit our kids, so April and I could work at the event. He’d do anything for her.

When you think of all the key elements of the whole life matrix, none is more important than your relationships. To be successful and to have it all, you need to make maintaining relationships your primary goal. Dino did. People were willing to introduce him to their cherished contacts because they knew he’d take care of them too. Though Dino died at very young age, he lived an incredibly full very successful life, and through his treasured relationships built a legacy.