Communicating with your partner

Matrix Key - Relationships - Significant Other 

Communication



What if love wasn't the act of finding what you were missing, but the give-and-take that made you both match? - Jodi Picoult

Communication is key to any relationship, but it has special significance in your relationship with your significant other.  When you and your partner share well developed communication skills, you operate as a team, and can handle any situation.  When these skills are not developed, even the most innocent remark can be taken out of context and grow into a horrendous fight.  In fact, poor communication skills are a clear symptom of a troubled relationship.

Fortunately, with a little time and attention, good communication skills are surprisingly easy to develop.  Four keys to healthy communication are:

1. Listening - pause during your conversation to make sure you correctly understand what your partner is sharing.
2. Verbalizing - put words with your feelings.
3. Non-verbal cues - watch for body language that matches or differs from the spoken words.
4. Checking In - set aside time on a regular basis for a general review of your relationship.  

The next time you feel completely misunderstood, or find yourself locked in an argument over something inconsequential, stop and look at how you are communicating. Find a way to bring kindness, respect and courtesy back into the discussion.  You will be glad you did.

Finding your common purpose

Matrix Key: Relationships - Staff and Colleagues -

Common Interest

“Not finance. Not strategy. Not technology. It is teamwork that remains the ultimate competitive advantage, both because it is so powerful and so rare.” - Patrick Lencioni

Back in the day when I owned a sheet metal fabrication shop, I received a cold call from a business coach.  The woman at the other end of the phone asked "How would you like your employees to operate as a high performance team?"  My response was "Team? I would just like them to work together and to stop wanting to claw each other's eyes out!"  And so began my journey of transformation and coaching.  

One of the most important elements of balance and stability at work is to share common interests with your colleagues.  You do not all need to be friends, but is is critical that all employees be in agreement on several key elements.

In the WholeLife Matrix we define those elements as:

1. Vision and Mission
2. Projects
3. Workability
4. Meeting Deadlines

Consider for a moment an orchestra, and the many subtle and not so subtle refinements required to produce the sound that lifts and carries the audience.  The musicians need the same musical score; they must play in the same key and at the same tempo; each individual instrument must be in tune; every musician has to be committed to the performance from beginning to end; and everyone needs to pay attention to the conductor.  If any one of these factors is out of place or missing, it is obvious to the listener that something is wrong.

Likewise, for a group of colleagues to work together effectively, they need to share the same vision (purpose and values) and mission (mechanism for success).  Once these two items are in place, it is much easier for the group to align on the chosen project, work together in an effective manner, and agree to meet common deadlines.  Aligning on a common interest results with everyone being on the right bus in the right seat headed to that same destination.


Are you ready to win?

Mutual Love

Matrix Key - Relationships - Significant Other 

Mutual Love

"Love isn't finding someone you can live with...it's finding someone you can't live without." - Rafael Ortiz

"He loves me, he loves me not."  Can you picture picking the petals off the daisy as you repeat this phrase?  An age old question to be sure, but an ageless question at the same time.  Often we know when we have feelings for another person, but unless the feelings are reciprocated in a mutual love relationship, the relationship will break down.  

Mutual love includes those fuzzy good feelings one experiences at the start of a relationship. As the relationship develops, that physical attraction remains, but is reinforced and strengthened as the two people get to know each other on a deeper level.

With the WholeLife Matrix, we have identified four elements that define a mutual love relationship:

1. Attraction
2. Affection
3. Enjoyment
4. Honesty

Some of these elements may be more important to one partner than the other.  In general, men are more concerned with the physical attraction and enjoyment of shared activities.  Women, on the other hand, generally place a higher value on affection and honesty.  Rather than dismiss the other person's needs, committed couples find ways to honor and validate their partner's needs.  And as they say, "what goes around comes around..." when the love is reciprocal and mutual, one person's happiness can motivate them to acknowledge the other partner's most important wants and needs.

Are you ready to win?

Career Comeraderie

Matrix Key:  Relationships - Staff and Colleagues

"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success." - Henry Ford

Some of the most undervalued and overlooked relationships people have are with their colleagues or staff at work.  Because we are all thrown together in an environment outside our personal lives, we tend to not view these interactions so much as relationships but rather as necessary tasks.  Over the past several years, companies have come to recognize the importance of nurturing relationship between co-workers.  Business owners realize that an investment in team building and communication pays off in higher productivity and commitment to success.

High performance teams prioritize working relationships that are built on:

1. Respect
2. Accountability and Responsibility
3. Common Interests
4. Communication

Like everything else in the WholeLife Matrix, you must invest time and energy into these concepts in order to reap the rewards.  If you are a business owner, make sure you schedule events outside of work for employees to have fun together and get to know one another.  If you are an employee, ask a close colleague to lunch so that you can find out what motivates him or her.  The more you have invested in each other, the more likely you are to succeed.

Are you ready to win? 

You and Your Significant Other

Matrix Key - Relationships - Significant Other

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." - Aristotle

When we read the above quote, we realize that even ancient societies understood the power and importance of relationships.  That's why Relationships is one of the four key quadrants of the WholeLife Matrix.  In order to succeed in balancing your life, you must succeed at being in relationship with people.

Perhaps the most important relationship a person can have is with a significant other, the one other person in your life with whom you share love, time, experience, and partnership.  Whether this person is a spouse or trusted friend, significant others must nurture and prioritize their shared commitment.

There are four important actions that are essential to a successful relationship:

1. Mutual Love and Respect
2. Staying Power
3. Time Together - Connection
4. Communication

Many people say communication is the key to a long term relationship.  We suggest that all of the above are equally important, and deserve both partners' attention and action.  To make the two of you into that "single soul" that Aristotle describes, there must be effort on both parts, and a desire to go the distance.

Are you ready to win? 

The Importance of Friends

Matrix Key:  Relationships - Friends

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' " - C. S. Lewis 

When it comes to relationships, we often think only of the significant other in our life.  But what about friends?  We must also be in relationship with the broader community around us, and develop friendships that will enlighten, support, and enrich us.  A person can have work friends, school friends, church friends, friends from every area of your life, and enjoy different types of relationships with each one.

Just as with your significant other, your relationship with your friends needs to be nurtured and tended.  You may talk to some friends only sporadically through the years, and each interaction is as fun and fulfilling as the last.  Or you may have some friendships that demand more of your attention, and require additional effort to remain viable, but are worth the extra time.

The WholeLife Matrix shows that the keys to a good friendship are very similar to those of a successful significant other relationship:

1. Affinity and Respect
2. Mutual Commitment
3. Time Together
4. Common Interests

 Allowing yourself to be open to new friendships and connections with people in your environment will yield amazing results.  Because everyone needs friends to share the good and bad times, the losses and the wins.  And as C. S. Lewis points out, we each need to see ourselves in the eyes and heart of another as we navigate this life.

Are you ready to win?

Family Relationships

Matrix Key:  Relationships - Family

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven." - George Bernard Shaw

They say we can't choose our families, and yet family relationships are among the most important personal connections we will ever have.  From birth, we are connected to, and in relationship with, our family.  You could even say that without relations, there are no relationships!  So why are some of us blessed with close, loving interactive families, while others haven't spoken in years?

In the WholeLife Matrix, we've taken a deeper dive into what makes family relationships work.  In order to have a high functioning family unit, the members must prioritize the following key concepts:

1. Connection
2. Responsibility and Commitment
3. Management Structure
4. Communication

These concepts seem to come naturally to some families, while others must put more time and attention into them.  No matter what, a healthy family must value that family structure, and be able to understand its importance to a well-balanced, fulfilling life.  Your family should be a source of love and support, not a drain on your well-being.  When you take the time to be aware of how the four key concepts impact your family dynamics, you can better understand and embrace your family's unique relationship to you.

Are you ready to win?   

Post a comment - let me know how you see the key concepts operating in your family!

Relationships

Matrix Key:  WholeLife Matrix - Relationships

"We are not put on Earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other." - Anonymous

It goes without saying that Relationships are essential to a well-balanced, fulfilling and happy life.  This quadrant of the WholeLife Matrix will get a lot of our attention, because relationships are demanding of our attention every day.  

What is important to note about relationships is that they are not all the same, and we must react and behave differently given the type of relationship we have with someone.  Here are the four key kinds of relationships:

1. Significant Other
2. Friends
3. Family
4. Staff and Colleagues

Take a few moments to identify the 20 most important people in your life.  Consider which type of relationship you have with each of them.  As we delve deeper into how to manage relationships, you will be able to see what's working and not working with each of these people and what you can do to make the relationship more fulfilling.  A broad network of good relationships makes all the difference in the game of life.

Are you ready to win?  

The WholeLife Matrix

The WholeLife Matrix

The WholeLife Matrix is a system for creating happiness and success in business.  It’s a guide to achieving balance in your life. I put everything together in a picture so you can step back and look at it.

The Matrix started with a concept I call the Table of Life.  I realized that there were four basic components of life and business:  financial viability, relationships,  health and well-being and personal awareness. I looked at it and thought that it was like the four legs of a table.  I noticed that where you spent your time and attention, that leg of the table got longer.  So those people who spent all their time on making money, that leg of the table got longer and the other legs suffered.  I recognized that people who were in balance focused equally on all of life's components.  This balance allowed them to maintain an abundant life without dropping anything off the table!  

Everything in this matrix happens in time.  Everything in life happens in time.  The only way to impact each quadrant of the WholeLife Matrix is to schedule time in your calendar for each activity.  You will see that time is the central thread that runs through the entire matrix.

As we drill down into the matrix, there are several groups of sub quadrants guiding you through 272 specific actions.  Through this blog I will lead you through the different quadrants and examine how these specific actions will lead you to achieving balance in your life.